


Adrift and (not nearly) at Peace

by Orison



Series: Rescue Me [8]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, McDanno if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-18 01:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19966471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orison/pseuds/Orison
Summary: Part eight of my “Rescue Me” series. Danny’s having a bad day...





	Adrift and (not nearly) at Peace

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hello everyone, hope you’re having a good summer. Here’s my latest story. It’s... different, to say the least, as I have chosen to write about something we’ve never seen on the show, a side of Danny that I was curious to explore. So this has been an experiment, and I’m looking forward to reading your opinions about it to know if my characterization reflects what we’ve seen on screen for nine years.
> 
> It is also the most McDanno story a non-McDanno author like me has ever written so some of you might appreciate that too... ;)
> 
> I do not own Hawaii Five-0, but I do have an awesome beta reader who makes sure there’s no grammar mistakes or inconsistencies. Thank you, Susan, I owe you!

***

“Hey Rach, you guys having fun?”

Danny couldn’t help the smile on his face as he saw his ex-wife’s name on his phone’s screen and the candid shot of her and the kids he’d chosen as her profile picture. Rachel had taken them both to the mainland for Grace’s orientation at the college she would be attending in the fall, gifting Charlie with a surprise trip to the zoo after that so he wouldn’t feel left out.

Things were good between them now. Not early-marriage-days good, because that bliss was long gone, but decent enough that they could spend time together and enjoy it without wanting to kill each other. 

Something had shifted after Grace’s accident, bringing them closer. Danny wasn’t sure what that was, and was taking tentative steps to try and understand it. One of those steps had brought him to plan a trip to Kauai, where he was hoping she’d agree to go for a few days without the kids. 

Maybe it was a bit rash, so much so that he hadn’t even told Steve about it. 

Maybe it would lead to something good, whatever that meant. 

There was only one way to find out.

He heard her breathing on the other end of the line, then one of those breaths faltered and she began to speak.

“Danny, I don’t want you to worry but something’s happened.”

The words, spoken in a calm tone meant to reassure him, only managed to make his heart rate quicken. Her phone call had surprised him as he and the team were about to execute a raid. Always prepared, he’d already donned his tac vest and checked his M16, and figured it wouldn’t hurt to talk to her briefly while the others did the same.

“What?” He asked, taking a few steps forward, away from the team, and feeling Steve’s stare on him as he moved. “What you mean something happened, are you alright?”

“We’re okay, Danny, really,” she repeated. “Just a little fender-bender is all.”

Danny scrubbed a hand over his face as his mind unwillingly started to conjure up different scenarios and reawakened recent, painful memories. “You were in a car accident?”

“Yes. This guy ran a red light and hit us on the side, but it was nothing serious. No one got hurt, just the car.”

_Us..._

“Wait... was— was Charlie with you?”

She had texted him right after she’d dropped Grace off on campus so he knew his daughter at least wasn’t with them. 

_But Charlie..._

“Yes. And he’s fine. A bit shaken but okay.”

Danny felt as if the earth had given way under his feet. “Oh god...” he whispered, clamping a shaky hand over his mouth. “I’m— I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

He started moving, walking back towards the car when Rachel’s voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Danny... no, Danny listen to me, there’s no need to. We really are okay. I’m just telling you because we agreed to no more lies, and because the rental car company might call you about it since it was your credit card that paid for it.”

“Rachel, I...” he tried as his blood pressure rose.

“I haven’t told Grace yet. We were on our way back after dropping her off when—”

“Put him on the phone.”

“What?”

“Charlie. Put him on the phone, I wanna talk to him.” If he wasn’t jumping on the first plane to the mainland, he was at least going to make sure the kid was unharmed. 

“Danny...”

“Please, Rachel. Put my son on the phone...”

“Okay,” she conceded. “One moment.”

Danny looked around, noticing that his team was almost ready to break in. His eyes met Steve’s, and he raised a finger to let him know that he needed an extra minute. The Five-0 leader recognized the serious look on his face and nodded that it was okay, then started to give instructions to the others. 

“Danno!”

Charlie’s cheerful voice focused him back to the events unfolding far, too far away.

“Hey, buddy, you alright?”

“Yeah. Mommy and I got into an accident but we’re okay,” he recounted excitedly as if it was the coolest thing he’d ever experienced. “The other man is bleeding, he got hurt when our cars flew in the air.”

Danny’s heart seized in his chest and for a moment, he forgot how to breathe. 

“The car _flew_?” he repeated, eyes wide with barely restrained terror. Morbid images of his son’s small body crushed by steel and metal floated through his mind and he swallowed hard, forcing them away.

So much for a fender-bender and no more lies. 

In the background, he could hear his ex-wife’s voice trying — and failing— to stop Charlie from blurting out every single detail. 

“Yeah,” the kid went on, unfazed. “I got scared, but only for a moment. Then I remembered what you and uncle Steve told me and I wasn’t afraid anymore.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Mm-hmm. You told me that you and mommy will always protect me so I don’t have to be afraid, and Uncle Steve said I’m the bravest kid he knows. He knows a lot of people, Danno...”

Danny closed his eyes, overwhelmed with emotions. His child had tried to be strong as their car fucking _flew in the air_ because the two people he looked up to the most in the world had told him he had no reason to.

“You sure you’re okay?” he asked, trying to keep his own panic at bay.

“Yeah. The man from the ambulance listened to my heart and said I was fine.”

“He did, huh? That’s good. That’s really good. I’m very happy to hear that. Now, I need you to do something for me, alright? Put mommy back on the phone.” His voice wavered, shaky with distress. “I love you, buddy, and I’ll see you soon.”

“Love you too, Danno,” Charlie said proudly before handing the phone back to Rachel. “Mommy, Danno wants to talk to you!”

“Thank you, honey. Go sit with the nice paramedic, I’ll be just a minute.” As soon as she got back on the line, she reprised her litany of reassurances. “Danny, it’s alright. We just got hit and the car skidded. It probably felt like flying to Charlie but I swear to you, we’re fine. We’re still scheduled to get home tomorrow. A police car is going to drive us to the hotel to rest and I’ll take him to the zoo in the morning as planned.” 

Unexpectedly, she was only met with silence. 

“Daniel?”

Danny was swallowing convulsively, trying to push down the lump that had formed in his throat. “Yeah, I’m... I'm right here,” he replied, his voice broken. He couldn’t see the rest of his team anymore, and as much as he hated it he knew he needed to cut the call short. “Please take care of our son...”

“You know I will.”

Part of him still wanted to tell her that he’d be on the next flight out but he got distracted when Lou suddenly came running, a sense of urgency tightening his face. “I’m sorry, man, we gotta go! Steve and Junior are already inside.”

_Shit._

Torn between the need to make sure his family was alright and the will to back his partner up he gripped the phone tighter, clenching his jaw in frustration. 

“Promise you’ll call me later,” he finally said. “Let me know how he’s doing.”

When Rachel did, he reluctantly ended the call and ran inside the building.

***

There were moments —rare, specific moments, where Danny wished he possessed Steve’s compartmentalizing skills.

Being a cop, he’d had his share of training, and was usually able to lock down his emotions pretty well. And yet, when those moments hit they always found him unprepared, and whatever training he was supposed to use felt suddenly out of reach.

Just like now, as he watched his partner leap off yet another roof and disappear from his sight. 

With the events involving Rachel and Charlie still too fresh in his mind, the ever-present fear for his partner’s well-being was skyrocketing against his will, tightening his chest and doubling his heart rate.

“I can’t do this...” he muttered to himself, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head. “I can’t…” 

A moment later, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Opening his eyes, he turned to find Lou standing beside him. 

“He needs this, you know?” the older man said as they both heard the familiar bang of McGarrett’s gun. “He’s gonna be alright.”

Danny opened his mouth to voice the rant that had been building up inside his gut since the whole chase started but stopped himself and sighed instead, lacking the energy and the motivation to do it. He knew Grover was offering support and appreciated it, so he nodded at his friend before walking back to his car.

Out of breath and with a slight limp, sporting a bruise on the left side of his cheek, his partner joined him a few minutes later, the perp he’d been after — cuffed and subdued — walking unsteadily in front of him. Steve roughly pushed him in Lou’s direction and moved to sit on the hood of the Camaro, unfastening his vest. 

Danny watched the whole scene, right hand curling and uncurling around his weapon, not saying a word. 

There was a part of Steve that still failed to acknowledge that he was just mortal and vulnerable like the rest of humanity. That his bones could break, or he could get hit by a car while crossing the street. He had slowed down, Danny had to admit, but could still learn a lesson or two about taking better care of himself and avoiding unnecessary risks if he really planned on staying on the job for 15/20 more years like he’d recently declared.

Oblivious to his partner’s inner turmoil, Steve finished removing the rest of his tac gear and looked at Danny, a puzzled expression on his face. 

“Yo, everything okay?”

The Jersey native waved him off, still overwhelmed by the onslaught of emotions that had washed over him since Rachel’s phone call. He was having a hard time dealing with them and the one that was winning, the only feeling that made sense to him right now was the one he was afraid to unleash. 

Anger. 

Frowning at the lack of response Steve studied him, aware that a quiet Danny meant a dangerous, ready-to-explode time bomb. He replayed the arrest in his mind, trying to figure out what could have set him off. 

“You mad at me or something?” he tried again, deciding it was the chase through the rooftops that had probably given his friend a coronary. In ten years of partnership, he couldn’t tell how many times they’d argued about his ‘unconventional’ techniques. Whether it’d be another decade or a lifetime, Danny would never get used to it. 

His levity quickly morphed into concern when he noticed the tightly-clenched jaw and met his suspiciously bright eyes.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

Almost cracking under the intensity of Steve’s gaze, Danny tried to say something to reassure them both but again, no words came out. He stood there, mouth agape, unable to put into words the fear and guilt that were slowly engulfing him.

Steve stared at him, confusion written all over his face. He pushed himself off the hood and started to walk up to him when Junior drew his attention.

“Sir, I have Sergeant Lukela for you on the phone.”

Sighing, the former SEAL cast another glance at his obviously troubled partner and took the cellphone, occasionally glancing at him out of the corner of his eyes as he tried to focus on what the veteran officer was telling him. 

When Duke asked him to go back inside the building to check for a hidden safe he’d been assured contained the drug Five-0 had been unable to find, Steve motioned for Danny to wait for him and reluctantly complied.

They seized the illegal substance, made sure the chain of custody was airtight and secured their prisoner into HPD’s hands. Fifteen minutes later, all tasks completed, Steve returned to where he’d last seen his partner but Danny was no longer there. 

All that was left was two tire marks where the Camaro had been.

***

Hours went by, and still Danny hurt.

After watching Steve leave with a sense of dread in his stomach, unable to deal with the possibility of more bad news staining his day he had driven straight home, locked the door behind him and collapsed on the couch. 

There were barely any memories after that. 

Rachel had called, as promised, reporting that Charlie was doing as good as expected. He had sighed in relief, relishing a short moment of respite. Then all the emotions he’d been battling had come back, hitting him with the force of a hurricane that leaves only devastation in its wake. 

The constant through it all, Steve’s relentless tries to get in touch with him. 

Missed calls, texts, voicemails.

Inquiries, concerned words, threats to come find him. Wherever he was. 

After a while, Danny had turned the phone off so it wouldn’t bother him. He didn’t feel like talking or explaining things to anyone. Not even his best friend.

When it became too much, and his own living room seemed to close in on him he scrambled for the keys and rushed out of the house as if it was on fire, ignoring the car parked nearby and breaking into a jog to run away. As far as possible. 

Where to, he didn’t know. 

Why, he couldn’t tell. 

It was a physical need, like the urge to draw air into his lungs. If he stopped, he thought he would explode. 

His wandering eventually brought him to a bar, in an area he barely remembered ever visiting before.

The hinges squealed as he opened the door and was immediately welcomed by the smell of alcohol invading his nostrils and the noise coming from inside. There was music in the background, some 80’s tune he should’ve been familiar with but couldn’t recall. Laughter, from one of the corners where a group of men was playing cards gathered in front of a Jack Daniel’s. A heated conversation on the opposite side, between two people who had obviously surpassed their alcohol intake limit for the day. 

Danny hesitantly moved forward, asking himself what the hell he was doing in this place and yet seeking the anonymity it provided like a homeless man needing shelter. 

He wasn’t a heavy drinker, only allowing himself the occasional glass every once in a while, but today called for a reset and he desperately needed to erase the images of Rachel’s car flying — metaphorically or not— in the air with his son inside and Steve leaping through roofs with no regards for his safety.

Along the wall, behind the counter, dozens of bottles reflecting different hues of amber lined two shelves. He dropped onto a stool and raised a shaky finger to call the bartender, a young woman with a big tribal tattoo covering her arm and part of her chest. “Whiskey, straight.”

She gave him a smile and put a shot glass in front of him, filling it to the brim.

Danny nodded to her and drank it in one gulp.

Another man was slumped in the seat beside him, looking older than he probably was, nursing his drink with a vacant stare in his eyes. He wondered if by the end of the night he’d have the same look and decided he didn’t care.

One shot became five, peanuts were replaced by chips, and an indefinite time later he found himself staring into his partner’s very concerned eyes. 

“What the hell are you doing, man, I’ve been looking all over for you!”

Danny blinked owlishly, wondering if it was his alcohol-addled brain conjuring him up or if the man was really standing in front of him, looking haggard and uncharacteristically angry.

“How’d you find me?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Steve replied curtly, gratefully nodding at the bartender who had called HQ when she recognized his partner after seeing him on the news about the drugs Five-0 had confiscated during the bust. “How long has he been going on?” he asked her. 

“Couple of hours.” 

Shaking his head, he handed her his credit card to pay for the tab. “Thanks for calling, I appreciate it.”

The young woman shrugged. “I figured something bad happened on the job, you know? I see too many cops getting wasted...” She sighed as she stared at the Five-0 leader, a sad look in her eyes that told him she’d been there before. “Not that he’s gonna forget. In the morning he’s gonna have all the same memories and a hangover to go with it.”

Nodding, Steve wondered exactly what kind of memories were haunting his friend. As far as he knew, Danny had seemed fine until after the raid, and for the life of him he couldn’t figure out what had caused this reaction.

“I can hear you, you know? I’m not so drunk that I’m... blind.” 

Steve moved the glass away from his partner’s hand. “It’s all right, man, no one thinks you’re blind. What are you doing?” he asked, because the last thing he’d expected was to have to rescue an intoxicated Danny from a bar. 

Danny, the level-headed one who never lost control. 

“Drinking,” the Jersey native shrugged as if the question was so painfully obvious it didn’t even warrant a response.

“Why?”

Danny patted Steve’s hand away and reached for his glass, taking another sip of whiskey. 

“Because life sucks Steven, and I’d rather not be reminded of it today...”

Steve raked a hand through his hair in frustration. “You’re not making sense, man, what’s going on? Was it something I did?”

“I need to get up,” was Danny’s completely unrelated reply. 

“What?”

“Bathroom. Gotta go.”

His legs almost buckled as he stood, and he wobbled dangerously until Steve grabbed his bicep to steady him.

“Alright, let’s go.”

“No, no, I go,” Danny countered, putting a hand on Steve’s chest as if just that could stop him. “You... you stay right here. And by here I mean on this stool.” His other hand tapped the wooden seat. “Make sure no one steals it because I’m not done yet. Sit down, talk to the nice lady... I’ll be back, eventually...”

Steve resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “I’m not letting you out of my sight, Danno. I’m coming with you.” 

“I’m not... I am a detective... a police sergeant.”

“Yes, you are.”

“And I don’t need...” he said, shaking his finger as he tried to squirm out of Steve’s grasp. “I don’t need a Navy SEAL escort to take a leak!” 

“Didn’t know you drank like that, buddy....” Steve muttered to himself, ignoring his friend’s complaints and steering him towards the back of the bar. 

This was uncharted territory for him. Despite seeing many of his fellow sailors fall prey to alcohol and being on a few benders himself it hurt to see Danny like this, and he braced himself for the man’s reaction once he sobered up and realized what he’d done.

The trip to the bathroom lasted longer than Steve would have liked, but he eventually managed to guide Danny back to where he’d been seating and retrieved his credit card.

“Is he gonna be okay?” the bartender asked. 

“Yeah. Yeah, he will. Let’s go, man.”

Danny crossed his arms over his chest, staring at him with a defiant look. “’m not done.” 

Steve put his hands on his hips, unperturbed. “You’re standing on my foot, Danny, let’s go.”

The Jersey native looked down at his feet, realizing he was indeed ruining Steve’s new and probably pricey blue sneakers and started to giggle, then took a step backwards and patted his friend on the shoulder. “Sorry...”

“Come on, let’s get out of here.”

“How about a last call?” 

“You already had one.”

“A really, really last call then?” Danny pouted.

“Danny...”

“I cannot believe this. I can’t believe... the way... you’re treating me. How long have we known each other?” 

“Ten years,” Steve sighed. Right now, it felt like a hundred. 

“Ten years...” Danny repeated, turning towards the bartender with a dramatic shake of the head. “Ten years I’ve known him, and he always bosses me around...” Even as he said that, he allowed his friend to lead him out the door and into the parking lot. 

The world was starting to spin, and the Silverado seemed a million miles away. He breathed, in through his nose, out through the mouth, struggling to keep his balance. 

“You going to get sick?” Steve asked. He had slipped one arm around his waist, basically holding most of his weight, and was carrying him along the sidewalk.

“Dunno,” he replied, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other.

When they finally made it to where the Silverado was parked, Steve propped him up against the side of the truck as he fished the keys out of his pockets and unlocked the vehicle.

Danny managed to keep the position for about three seconds, then slowly slid to the ground, his back resting against one of the giant wheels.

“You alright, buddy?”

“No,” Danny replied through gritted teeth. He was crashing hard and fast, and the cars around him kept swaying sickeningly. 

“Hang in there, we’re gonna be home soon.”

Although Steve had no intention of dropping his partner anywhere other than his own house where he could keep an eye on him, the next words out of Danny’s mouth came as a surprise.

“Not... home. Please. Not tonight...” 

There was a hint of desperation straining his voice that almost broke Steve’s heart.

“It’s alright, I got you,” he reassured him. 

He kneeled next to him, placed his fingers under his chin and tilted his head up. Even under the streetlights he could see that his best friend looked like hell. His face was pale and stubbled, with deep, dark shadows under bloodshot eyes.

“What’s wrong, buddy? What happened today?”

When Danny met his gaze, it took the former SEAL a moment to recognize the emotion stirring behind the man’s usually clear blue eyes. It was despair, an expression he had only seen a handful of times before, and he unconsciously steeled himself because whatever had happened must’ve been bad. Really bad. 

“Rachel... Charlie... they were in an accident today,”

Steve almost lost his own balance. “What?”

“They’re fine. I just...” Whatever he wanted to say next, he never managed to. His head started spinning like he was watching the world from a merry-go-round and his stomach began to heave. 

He lost time after that, surfacing only a while later when Steve put a hand on his shoulder and told him they were home.

While Danny’s brain tried to catch up and figure out where his partner had taken him, Steve got him out of the truck and lugged him up the front steps to his house. Once inside, he steered them towards the couch where the blond promptly collapsed with an exhausted sigh.

“I’m gonna take your shoes off, okay?” Steve said as he sat on the coffee table and reached down to start removing his loafers. 

Danny groaned, reluctantly forcing himself back into a sitting position. 

“No, no, you don’t need to—” he tried to stop him but the other man was already leaning forward, resting his forehead on Steve’s shoulder and relaxing his entire body against his friend’s.

“You smell good,” Danny whispered, nestling into the crook of his neck. “And you’re so warm…”

Steve stilled for a moment, not sure how to respond. While Danny was all about human contact and physical touch, this was a kind of intimacy they’d never experienced. “You’re drunk,” he eventually replied, dismissing the statement as he finished his task. “Lay down, buddy, I’m gonna get you something for your headache.”

Heart thumping in his chest, he went to the kitchen to grab some Ibuprofen, one of his sport drinks to replace the salt and potassium Danny had lost and crackers to boost his blood sugar and settle his stomach. Pushing the awkward moment to the back of his mind, he started thinking about the accident Rachel and Charlie had gotten into. 

The urge to learn as many details as possible was strong, but the fact that Danny was there with him and not on a plane to the mainland partially reassured him that the kid was actually okay and that the whole thing —so soon after Grace’s brush with death— had just scared his friend and reopened old wounds.

His own fears allayed, he went back to the living room and crouched down in front of his partner who was sprawled miserably on the couch just as he’d left him, one arm draped over his eyes.

“Danny... here, take this. It’s gonna help with the headache.”

Making a sound between a whimper and a groan, Danny levered himself on an elbow and accepted the pills, popping them into his mouth and chasing them down with a sip of the tasteless liquid.

“Drink some more,” Steve urged.

“Don’t like it.”

“Come on, a couple more sips. It’s for your own good.” As his friend reluctantly complied, he helped him sit up and offered him the crackers. “Eat some of these too. They’re good for your stomach.”

Sitting up, Danny put his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. “Just shoot me, will you?” he said, his voice muffled and full of fatigue.

“Don’t tempt me,” Steve replied, but the look in his eyes said that he’d rather kill himself than see him suffer like that. Once he was satisfied that Danny had downed enough food and liquids to really feel better, he placed the drink and the plate with the crackers on the coffee table and headed to the guest bedroom to grab a blanket.

“Get some rest,” he whispered as he draped it over the other man’s huddled form. “I’ll be right here if you need me.” 

Danny moaned and muttered something that sounded like a thank you.

With an equally weary sigh, Steve lowered himself onto the recliner. It had been a long, exhausting day, and the events of it were catching up with him. With a vengeance. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, willing his sore muscles to relax. 

With some luck, Danny would sleep through the night and they’d both feel better in the morning. 

“What’re you doin’?”

_Okay, maybe he wasn’t ready to sleep just yet._

“What you mean, Danny?”

“Go sleep in your bed, Steve. ‘m fine.”

“So am I. Get some rest.”

“Stubborn putz,” Danny croaked, and Steve’s lips curved into a smile.

Silence fell over the room, thick and heavy, seeping into their every pore. Steve embraced it, needing it to smooth out the roughness of his day. To Danny, on the other hand, it felt like a gaping void, a hole that needed to be filled with sounds, words… anything before it swallowed him whole.

“I wasn’t there,” he said before he even realized it.

Steve opened his eyes and sat up straight. “What’d you say?”

“I wasn’t there for them. I wasn’t there for my son, and it’s killing me...” His voice was unexpectedly clear, his thoughts coherent.

Heart breaking into a thousand pieces, the former SEAL got up and moved over towards the couch, sitting down once again on the coffee table in front of him and leaning forward so that he was almost at eye level. “Danny, no... this is not... you shouldn’t think like that.”

There was concern in his words, worry marking his face. It was something Danny loved about him —how deeply Steve felt for the people he cared for. Shaking his head, he reached up to touch the bruise on his partner’s cheek. “I wasn’t there for you.”

“When?” Steve frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“Today. The drug bust. You went by yourself and... you could’ve died. That’s why I ran away. On top of Charlie... it was too much to handle.”

“Danny, you know I can take care of myself. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“I don’t want you to die, Steve,” the blond detective whispered hoarsely. “I don’t want anyone else to die...” His gaze zeroed in on Steve with a focus so sharp that it almost startled him. “You’re my partner. You shouldn’t… don’t go where I can’t follow.”

Steve’s breath hitched. Whether the importance of what he’d just said had registered with his friend’s brain or not the words were so genuine, so heartfelt, that a lump rose in his throat and he felt tears sting the backs of his eyelids.

“I’ll do my best,” he promised, struggling to control his own emotions.

Danny nodded, seemingly satisfied with the answer, and closed his eyes. Steve just sat there watching, his heart overflowing with gratitude and tenderness for having someone like him in his life.

***

The next morning, Danny woke up lying on his stomach, one arm hanging next to the couch.

A particularly vivid nightmare about a car chase ending in a crash shook him abruptly back to reality and he gasped, turning on his back and struggling to breathe. 

He had been inside the Camaro, Steve driving as usual, when an SUV —driven by none other than his ex-wife— had cut them off. After the collision, he had watched himself stagger out of the vehicle only to realize in horror that his partner and both his kids, who were sitting in the back of Rachel’s car, had died on impact. 

The overwhelming despair at the thought that he’d lost all his family at once had cut the air off from his lungs and quickened his heartbeat to dangerous levels until he figured out that it wasn’t real.

Trying to slow down his breathing, he opened his eyes to a blurry ceiling and, for a second, wondered where he was. He had no recollection of anything other than the very realistic images of his dream so he scrubbed his hands over his face and tried again. 

Steve’s living room came into view, and he realized he was laying on his couch. How he got there, how long he had been asleep, he didn’t know. 

All he was aware of was the pounding in his head, the taste of vomit in his mouth and the way his stomach lurched and gurgled.

Letting out an anguished moan, he pulled back the blanket his friend had graciously covered him with and rolled off the sofa, swinging his bare feet to the cold carpet. His muscles felt weak, just like his energy, and it took him several moments to decide he was ready to stand up.

He could hear rustling sounds coming from the kitchen, along with the aroma of fresh coffee wafting in the air. It tingled his senses, prompting him to move despite the nausea validating in a not-so-subtle way that whatever he’d done the night before had been a stupid mistake. The room started to sway as he pushed himself off the couch, black dots appearing in front of his eyes. He blinked repeatedly to chase them away, wondering what the hell had happened to turn him into an achy, amnesic mess.

Walking on unsteady legs that threatened to give way any second, he made his way to the kitchen in slow, cautious steps. The brightness of the room made his headache spike and he raised one arm to shield his eyes. The two-second distraction caused him to falter and lose his precarious balance, and he ended up colliding with the fridge, alerting Steve of his presence.

“Fuck,” Danny muttered as soon as his foot hit the hard surface.

“Good morning to you too,” Steve replied. He was standing by the counter, stirring something into a bowl and looking as tired as his friend felt after keeping vigil all night, foregoing his own sleep for Danny’s well-being. “How are you feeling?”

“Like there’s a herd of elephants dancing in my head,” he groaned. His throat felt like sandpaper, his words barely able to make it past his dry, sticky lips. “What time is it?”

“11:13.”

Danny’s eyes widened. “Eleven? Shouldn’t you... we, be at work?”

“It’s Saturday,” Steve shrugged. “And Junior took Eddie to the Wa’ahila Ridge Trail. We’ve got no plans.”

Nodding as if his brain wasn’t still struggling to recover from the previous night’s abuse, Danny dragged his heavy limbs towards the sink, bracing himself against the counter and closing his eyes when the room started to spin again at the movement. “I stand corrected. It feels like an axe is planted in my skull.” He bowed his head, waiting for it to pass, then reached for one of the mugs in the drying rack. “Please tell me you didn’t drink all the coffee...”

“What do you think?” Steve smirked. “Here, try this first,” he said, handing him the bowl with the mix he’d been stirring.

“What the hell is that?” Danny asked, suspiciously eyeing the brownish concoction inside. 

“Ginger, brown sugar and tangerine extract. It improves hangover symptoms like nausea and vomiting.”

_Hangover?_

That explained his aching muscles, the headache and the waves of nausea adding to his misery. Pursing his lips together, Danny accepted the bowl and just held it in his hand, staring at it for the longest time. “I got drunk?” he asked, unable to believe what he was hearing. 

“What do you remember?”

“Uh... not much,” he admitted. The pounding in his head was making it difficult to process thoughts and string sentences together. 

Steve nodded. It was probably for the better. He was positive his friend wouldn’t want to relive drinking himself into stupor and puking all over his bathroom. He sure wanted to erase those images himself. 

“The accident...” the blond detective whispered, feeling a stab of pain in his chest as a memory flashed in his mind. 

“Charlie’s okay,” Steve immediately reassured him. He had double-checked that, calling Rachel as soon as he’d gotten up. “They’re coming back tonight.”

Danny turned around to rest his back against the counter. “Good...” Shooting Steve’s homemade remedy another dirty look he finally gave it a try, immediately scrunching up his face at the peculiar taste but downing it all anyway under his partner’s watchful eyes. 

“This is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever had and trust me, I’ve had plenty since I landed on this island...”

“Maybe, but it will make you feel better.”

“What happened last night, Steve? I need to remember...”

He pushed himself off the counter, swaying slightly, and blindly reached out a hand as everything around him started to swirl. Steve grabbed it with one of his own, warm and solid, and rested the other on Danny’s back to steady him. 

“You alright?” he asked, a deep frown on his face as he watched him turn a couple of shades paler.

Danny stilled and closed his eyes, breathing through his nose to will the nausea away. 

“I’m fine,” he replied after a second. “See, that’s why I don’t drink anymore. I used to go out and get hammered every night and I’d bounce right back up the next day. Now I can barely handle a hangover...”

Steve was still studying him closely, sizing him up to assess just how bad he was feeling despite his words. Wrapping his arm around Danny’s shoulders, he steered him out of the kitchen an into the living room. 

“Come on, let’s go sit on the couch.”

Once they were both seated and he was comfortable that his friend was relatively alert and able to carry out a conversation, he took a deep breath and started to talk. 

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

Danny’s brow creased as he tried to retrieve at least part of his forgotten memories. 

“The drug bust. You leaping off a roof.” He emphasized the action with a wave of the hand while simultaneously shaking his head to reiterate what a colossally stupid choice it had been. It didn’t help his nausea at all but he was willing to sacrifice for the cause. “I felt like I couldn’t breathe... Then I went home, and it started all over again. The rest is all fuzzy…” 

Steve’s own stomach twisted at his partner’s words. He was familiar with that kind of pain, the one that knifed through his chest and made his heart spike like a jackhammer against his rib cage. He had been on the receiving hand of it too many times.

“I found you in a joint on Wai’alae. Bartender saw you on the news and called us. You were pretty wasted when I got there.”

If it was another time and his head wasn’t throbbing, Danny would’ve asked why his face was on TV, but right now he had more pressing issues to care about.

“I, uh... I don’t know how I got there.”

“Your car is still in your driveway and you had no wallet so you probably walked.”

Danny blinked in surprise. It all made no sense to him. He wasn’t the kind of man who drank his sorrows away, hoping to find answers at the bottom of a glass. He faced them straight up, Jersey-style. What he was hearing sounded so unlike him he didn’t know what to think. 

Feeling raw and vulnerable like never before he turned to look at Steve, who reached out without saying a word and put a hand on his thigh, brushing his thumb back and forth over the fabric of Danny’s pants. 

He looked tired, and Danny wondered if he had slept at all. The man always put everyone’s needs before his own and as more memories started to come back, he felt certain he owed his friend at least one apology. Or ten.

“I can’t believe I ran away from my job to get drunk...” he whispered as he leaned forward, head hanging, eyes cast down in shame.

“Why?” Steve asked, giving his friend’s thigh a reassuring squeeze. “I mean, you’ve complained about me being reckless for years, the kids have been hurt before... What was different this time?”

Danny’s mouth opened and closed a few times as if he wanted to say something but either couldn’t find the words or they were stuck in his head and he couldn’t let them out. He looked up and searched his partner’s gaze, holding it as he spoke. “I don’t know, Steve. I mean yeah, I worry, but I’ve never felt this sick before...” His fingers reached out and curled around Steve’s wrist, bringing him closer. “I can’t lose you. Grace, Charlie... they’re my family. _You_ are my family. I can’t lose any of you.”

Steve felt as if the air had been sucked out of his lungs, and it was his turn now to stare with his lips parted, struck by the weight of it all. “I... I’m sorry,” he stammered when he finally found his voice. “I know I scare you sometimes, but Danny...”

“I know. I know you can’t promise me that, but I don’t want to feel like this ever again...” After a decade, Danny had come to the conclusion that Steve wasn’t as reckless as he wanted everyone to believe. He just put everyone else above himself. The thought didn’t help him sleep at night but had led to some enlightening revelations. “We deserve to be happy, Steve. We’ve been through hell and back and it’s time, it’s about damn time we get a bit selfish and focus on who we really care about. Life’s too short. I’m not saying don’t do what you love. You can still save the world, just remember there’s people counting on you to get home safe every night.”

Not trusting his words, the shaky hands he was doing his best to hide or his traitorously wet eyes, Steve stood perfectly still, only allowing the slightest nod to reassure his friend that he understood. He’d never had that, a reason to come home at night, to stop him from leaping off roofs. Not once during his solitary life until he had met Danny, who cared enough to turn to alcohol to deal with his selfish stunts.

Who cared about him as much as he cared about his own blood. 

Reading him like an open book even on a hangover, Danny noticed the pursed lips and the lost, deer-in-the-headlights gaze. He stared at him with a fond expression on his face, his head slightly cocked. Steve still wasn’t used to people caring about him, still didn’t believe he deserved the attention. It had taken years for him to even consider the possibility, and he would probably never believe it entirely.

What he had also learned over the years was that to shake his friend out of his daze when he got overwhelmed with feelings was to change the subject. 

So he did.

“Did I do anything inappropriate?”

Steve felt some of the tension bleed out of him and smiled, looking down and scratching the back of his neck. 

“What’s that smirk for?”

“Nothing,” he added, sagging back into the couch. “You were your usual cranky self, just ten times worse. Oh, and by the way, you owe me 75 dollars.”

Danny raised an eyebrow. “For what?”

“I paid your tab.”

“That’s— I did _not_ spend 75 dollars on booze!” 

“Sorry to disappoint you, pal, but you did. Good whiskey’s not cheap.”

Danny groaned, covering his face with his hands and wondering what else he had missed. 

“Feeling any better?” Steve asked.

“A bit, yeah. Your disgusting concoction’s doing the job.”

The former SEAL nodded, happy with the news. “I can make you tea, or something to—”

“Enough with the tending, Nurse Betty. I’ll be alright. We just need to get some sleep.”

“It’s 11:30 in the morning.”

“So?” Danny shrugged. “You said we had no plans. I just made one.”

Steve stood up. “That’s not— okay, here’s another one: you take my bed, get some rest, and I’ll go for a swim.”

“Nonsense. Swimming will _not_ get you ready for tonight.”

“Tonight?” Eyebrows furrowed, Steve tried to remember if there was a previous commitment he’d forgotten about.

“Yes, tonight,” Danny replied in a ‘come on, you shmuck’ tone. “Charlie’s coming home, and not only has he been inside a flying vehicle, which apparently ranks as the coolest experience ever, but Rachel took him to the zoo so he’s gonna have lots of energy and plenty to say and we won’t be able to keep up with him if we’re dead on our feet.” 

He watched as realization dawned on his best friend’s face and his serious expression broke into a grin. 

“You know what he told me? He said the accident didn’t scare him because you told him he’s the bravest kid you know.” Deliberately pausing so that Steve could grasp the meaning behind his words, Danny allowed a few moments to pass before speaking again. “For some weird reason my son loves you, Steven, so here’s what’s gonna happen: I’m gonna take a nap right here on this nice, comfy couch and you go lay down in your bed for a while so we can brave the storm later when it hits, alright?”

Smile still plastered on his face, Steve couldn’t think of a better way to spend his evening.

“Alright, Danno,” he nodded, heading towards the stairs. “See you in a few hours.”

THE END


End file.
